I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
