she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
