her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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