You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
porn star boner night. come get it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
