I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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