yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
