I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
