We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
