Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
