If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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