you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
