So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize