You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
