Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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