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I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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