she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
