my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
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