My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's just like the Real World with babies
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
