OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if only i could text you this smell
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
