i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
