I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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