Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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