dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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