That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
