my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
