Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
