In the future we'll all be gay
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
