I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize