Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
