So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize