Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
