; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
