please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
