i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
