There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
