I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
