i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
