i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
