girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
