why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
