dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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