Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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