Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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