You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
