im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
