Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
