and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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