If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
