apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
