When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
