that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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