idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
