So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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