Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
