Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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