I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize