Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
