how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm just crazy horny about you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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