Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
