you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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