I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
