By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
