There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
