He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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