On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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