either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
