Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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