Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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