I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
