the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
