I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would ride that face into the sunset
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
