to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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