I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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