Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
