Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
