It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
