Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
