if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
