just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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