Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize