Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
nutella sex= disaster
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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