just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
