From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize