you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
