you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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