my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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