Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
