so explain again why im purple
no
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
