it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My bed smells like the plague
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