I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
