'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Everything about him screamed your future.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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