i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
