Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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