They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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