Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
