think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do herpes really smell.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
