At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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