When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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