I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
