Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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