Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
