She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
