He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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