he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
